Thursday, 21 August 2014
WHY YELLING AT YOUR CHILD MIGHT NOT BE GOOD
"Say please!" "You don't listen!" "I said wear your jersey!" Sound familiar? I'm pretty sure most of us are guilty of yelling at our kids, I know I am. I've recently made an interesting observation; how kids respond to a lower and calm reprimanding voice as opposed to shouting. If you find yourself always yelling about the same thing it might be that your child blocks you out when you start shouting. I decided to research and give the opposite approach a try.
After having yelled at my son almost daily for a year about bringing the sand from the school sandpit in the house through his shoes, I approached him with kind language. It yielded different results, he finally got it. We keep saying "I told you this a hundred times" or "how many times did I tell you this" but we don't really 'tell' them, we shout, and immediately when you do that research suggests the child doesn't hear what is being said to them.
It is also deeper than we think. A study published in the Journal of marriage and family found that yelling at your child can cause aggression and low self-esteem. We are also teaching them bad communication habits. There is an American saying "shouting at your child to obey is like using the horn to steer your car, both yield same results." There are many reasons why we yell at our children, may be the way we were raised- if that's how your mother communicated with you that's likely how you will communicate with your children, or high expectations- you may be expecting too much from them, also stress- children bear the stress of their parents, we release on them without being aware.
So mommies, before saying your child doesn't listen, you might want to check the tone and volume of your voice, he probably doesn't hear what is being said to him.