Saturday, 4 October 2014


I have always been against fighting or arguing in front of the kids, I have read many times about how it damages children emotionally and changes their behaviour and how they relate to people as they get older. I also used to be petrified when my parents would get into it when I was a child, no kid wants to see the two people they love in the whole world fight. So I have always told myself I would never put my children in that situation.
But that's unrealistic, arguments are natural and unavoidable in relationships, more so when you live together. So what I would do is give my husband the "silent treatment", and when we get a chance alone I'd bring up the issue. But sometimes, as I mentioned, arguments are unavoidable and we would act out of impulse and get into it, my son would either block his ears or try to distract us by asking for water or something. That broke my heart! We'll then feel bad and my husband would just end it by going to get him his water.

But that's life, and if like me you wished it was scripted and our homes were all roses and unicorns, here's some good news, apparently it can be good to argue in front of your children. Psychologists say shielding  your children from your arguments is actually making them think that it is bad to argue, they then become walk-overs and doormats because you are bringing them up to accept things even when they don't necessarily agree with them, just to avoid an argument. Also, if an argument erupts and you "send them to their room", you are showing them how an argument starts but not how it gets resolved. So they struggle with conflict resolution in their adult years. You are also teaching them that the world is perfect, and when they are older and actually realise that the world is not perfect they have a hard time coping. Makes sense right?

However, you're not going to scream off the roof top or call each other names in front of your children, because you also want to teach them arguing can be effective and productive communication. And some arguments are for closed doors, a cheating spouse is obviously not going to be confronted in front of the kids!
But our children need to know that people who love each other argue and it doesn't mean they have stopped loving each other, it is just natural.

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